BERT
            I need to get off the island, Dick.  I need to get out and
            smell the fresh air.  See some naked ladies.  You have any
            pot?

                                   DICK
            Why?  Is somethin' botherin' you Bert?

                                   Pause.

                                   BERT
            Something like that.

                                   Pause.

                                   BERT (cont'd)
            Where is everybody??  What time is it??

                                   Dick looks at his watch.

                                   DICK
            Gee.  It's nine twenty five already.

                                   BERT
            Nine Twenty five??????  Well, where's Wally??!  He should be
            here by now, all fired up!

                                   DICK
            Strange.  I guess I lost track a' time.

                                   BERT
            Are you sure we're teaching today??

                                   Pause.

                                   DICK
            Sunday morning.  That's what he said.  Two groups.  Dick and
            Bert.

                                   BERT
            Then where are they???!

                                   DICK
            Probably got off to a late start that's all.

                                   BERT
            I see.

                                   Bert starts to pace.

                                   BERT (cont'd)
            Getting ready to bust my balls...  Takes a good breakfast! 
            Wait 'til the coast is clear, then drop a "we were there on
            time, but no one was there to greet us!"  Well, we were here
            on the dot!!!  And they can't tell us otherwise!

                                   DICK
            Oh, they can always can do that.

                                   BERT
            Right.  Get the axe on the spot.  End your career right then
            and there.  Slave all week taking their horse shit. Showin'
            up late and expecting us to go overtime!

                                   DICK
            Of course.

                                   BERT
            Then throw you a shiny half mark and say, "Thanks for the
            forehand, Coach..."  Is that the thanks I get???

                                   DICK
            Blow it out your ass!

                                   They both laugh.

                                   BERT 
            That's right.  Thanks but no thanks!  Put some more gas in
            your Hummer!!

                                   They laugh again.

                                   BERT (cont'd)
            Best line I ever heard.  Old Big Ben...  Ol' Benny wouldn't
            stand for this shit!!  I'll tell you that!

                                   DICK
            Of course not.  He saved for the future.  Then when the time
            came he said, screw you Wally.  Put some more gas in your
            Hummer!

                                   They laugh more.

                                   BERT
            He had every right!  He built this place!   Brick by brick! 
            And then little t goes and tries to pull a thing like that!

                                   DICK
            It was a disgrace.

                                   BERT 
            Damn right it was!  A youth organized conspiracy!!

                                   Silence.

                                   DICK
            Good Old Big Ben.  Now there was a class act.

                                   Silence.

                                   BERT
            I need to get out of this place.

                                   DICK
            Ah, what's the point now?  So long as there's another lesson,
            there's another day.  At least we have that.

                                   BERT
            Yeah, but for how much longer???  I don't know about you, but
            I've only got so much time left under this sun and I'll be
            damned if I'm gonna spend it here, chained to Wally Wallet's
            Tennis Plantation!!  Sweating my hard earned liquids for
            market rate meat!!! Prayin' that tomorrow he and that little
            brat a' his won't just throw me and what little I have left
            out of this stable like an indentured soul at the mercy of
            kindness!!!!  The whole thing's foul!  If only I saved for
            the future...

                                   DICK
            I wouldn't say it's that bad, yet.

                                   BERT
            The hell it ain't!!!  He's got you bamboozled!!  What do you
            think he's gonna let us stay here forever, graze in open
            pastures???  There is no meadow!!!  The day you can't feed
            balls sittin' from a bucket is the day you get rolled out
            into the street!

                                   DICK
            He wouldn't throw us out like that!

                                   BERT
            Not in so many words!!!  But it's the Heave-Ho just the same! 
            For sure, he'd stop feeding you.  Then it's, sorry we're
            renting your shack for the weekend.  Next thing you know,
            you're half way out the door!!

                                   DICK
            But we earn our keep!  Where's he gonna find two
            professionals like us??  I was the man in the woods!!

                                   BERT
            No one gives a damn.

                                   DICK
            I beat Bobby Phillips!

                                   BERT
            Who the hell was he?!  A guy with a big serve??  Took a set
            off Ashe???  No one remembers!  And trust me.  They don't
            care.

                                   DICK
            Well, I do.  It's in the record.

                                   BERT
            What record?  You show me the record!  Show me the print! 
            Where's the trophy???

                                   DICK
            There was no trophy!  But I won and we both knew it!!

                                   BERT
            And there it is.

                                   DICK
            It's in the record!!

                                   BERT
            Yeah.  I have one of those too, in the shed with no proof, in
            the chest with all I could carry, underneath a stack of
            credentials my record stares me in the face.  And that's
            where we live.  You in a shack!!  Me above the tool shed!!!
            Behind people who don't have the common decency to show up on
            time!  As if waiting wasn't bad enough!!!  Who do they think
            they are????!

                                   DICK
            Funny how they all disappear.

                                   BERT
            I don't find it that funny!  We're still gonna finish on
            time!  I can tell you that straight off the barrel!!  I'll
            see to that thank you very much!  I was supposed to retire by
            now!!!

                                   DICK
            It's Karma.

                                   BERT
            Speak for yourself!!  I paid my dues...

                                   DICK
            Who would have guessed it?

                                   BERT
            What?!

                                   DICK
            Karma.  That's her name.  She's the one we're waiting on,
            funny enough.

                                   BERT
            She's the captain of the team???

                                   DICK
            That's what it said in the book.  All seems to fit together
            now.

                                   BERT
            Are you telling me that we're waiting for a real live woman
            named Karma on a hill???!

                                   DICK
            Yup.  And a couple of her friends.  They're a two five
            champion team!

                                   BERT
            Jesus Christ!

                                   Pause.

                                   BERT (cont'd)
            What if it's all a trick???!

                                   DICK
            Who would try and trick us like that?

                                   Bert fumbles his words.

                                   BERT
            Slick Wally?!?  Are you kidding??  A kick at our expense?!  A
            cheap laugh from a distance???  He'd love to see us out here,
            spoiling, wasting our time, waiting for Karma on a hill.  A
            day at the beach for him!  Probably watching from his perch
            right now I wouldn't put it past him!!

                                   DICK
            I don't think so.

                                   BERT 
            Years pouring out and waiting for Karma and her two O team!! 
            Meanwhile, she's suckin' back Bloody Marys without a care in
            the world with the smell of a good breakfast on her breath! 
            Vile cornucopias...

                                   DICK
            She'll get here sooner or later.

                                   BERT
            I bet.

                                   Pause.

                                   BERT (cont'd)
            Mmm.

                                   DICK
            Hmm.

                                   BERT
            Mmm.

                                   DICK
            Hmm.

                                   BERT 
            Remember that match I played against Wally, down on the
            stadium court?

                                   DICK
            How could I forget?  That was a classic!  Everyone
            watchin'...

                                   BERT
            I embarrassed him in front of everyone, in front of the whole
            resort!

                                   DICK
            I don't think he ever forgot it.

                                   BERT
            The best day of my life!  Right there.  On that court. 
            Nailing winners off him left and right from all over the
            court.  Creaming him like Pancho.

                                   DICK
            Like a bobcat!

                                   BERT 
            It was great!  But you're right.  He never forgot it.  Only
            kept it in his mind closer.  Waiting for the day.  Waiting
            out the years like they were rosepetals!  All the while
            playing through.  Winning ugly!  I was the buck!!!  I had the
            swagger!!  I left.  He took me back!  Even trade.  Even gave
            me a raise!  Year after year, weathering the storm...

                                   DICK
            Gotcha liquored up!

                                   BERT
            That was a dirty trick!!  Talk about pickin' at a man's
            weakness!  A man drinks whiskey, buy him two quarts!  An
            extra stinger in the gut.  Takes some steam out of his wind. 
            Week by week tear a page out of his book, see how strong he
            is then!

                                   DICK
            Gotta hand it to him, though.  He played his hand like a
            creditor, straight down the middle.  No surprises there.

                                   BERT
            That's what makes it so disgusting!  Who does he think he
            is??  A man works his whole life tryin'a pull himself out of
            the red, all the while striking bargains.  Grin and baring
            it!  Why he has to in the first place is another thing, but
            finally it happens and look who's been playing him all
            along!!  No closer!  Only further in the sinkhole!  Two sets
            down and a break in the third!  Motherafuthera...

                                   DICK
            No matter what, you get to go home and think about the match.

                                   BERT
            I don't wanna think about this match and how I played it so
            poorly!  I beat him fair and square on that court there! 
            Poolside dipped him!!  And now I go and find out that I've
            had the wool pulled over my eyes!!!  Odds stacked against me
            from the start!  The whole thing was rigged!!

                                   Bert's rage reaches a climax and stays
                                   there for a moment.

                                   Pause.

                                   BERT (cont'd)
            I could have been a senator or congressman!!

                                   DICK
            Or a judge.

                                   BERT
            Yes, a judge.  Then I could decide what's right and wrong and
            legal!!  It's wrong to support slavery!  It's wrong to own
            slaves!!  No matter how you dice it!

                                   DICK
            Little by little he chipped away.  Little by little he broke
            you down and now...

                                   BERT
            And now I live in a tool shed with little chance I'll be a
            mayor.

                                   DICK
            You got too many skeletons in your closet.

                                   BERT
            The damn skeletons!  Who knew they were part of the game
            plan??  What do you have to do???  Tell your child in the
            cradle from the start what they're up against??!  They got it
            all mapped out!!

                                   DICK
            That's for sure.

                                   BERT
            Eyes bobbing in the night floating from one corner to the
            next.  It's bad enough you gotta watch out for the dagger,
            let alone a creeping Tom.  Gaining on you.  Gaining on you.

                                   DICK
            You thought you had life by the balls.

                                   BERT
            Well not that neat and tidy.

                                   DICK
            Naturally.

                                   BERT
            But there used to be ladies.  Pretty ladies!  Every Saturday
            night!  In the barn!  Now they're all ugly.  At least the
            ones I'm up for.

                                   DICK
            Me too.

                                   BERT
            Do a turn across the floor...

                                   DICK
            Dance the lady out the door!

                                   They have a laugh.

                                   DICK (cont'd)
            And Shirly used to mix the hits.

                                   BERT
            All night drinkin' and laughin'...

                                   DICK
            Dancin' and drinkin' more...

                                   BERT
            Out by the cabins everyone was movin' and shakin'.  Skinny
            dipping in the pool.

                                   DICK
            Then the skunk would come along.  Scare the ladies.

                                   BERT
            Best time to make your move.

                                   DICK
            Then we moved out.

                                   Silence.

                                   BERT
            God, it went so fast.  Only to wind up in the same place.

                                   Pause.

                                   BERT (cont'd)
            Yup.  I guess this is it!  You wanna hit?

                                   DICK
            I shouldn't.

                                   BERT
            Oh, yeah.  I forgot.  Don't let Wally find out!  He'll axe
            you on the spot!  The Wallet won't keep on an invalid.  It's
            not cost productive!  What a way to live...

                                   Silence.

                                   BERT (cont'd)
            You know, the longer I've lived, the more I've come to
            realize that it's all the same, everywhere!  And I've hardly
            been anywhere in years!!  Nothing changes!  We're still in
            the middle ages!!!  Sure the landscape shifts around.  New
            buildings come and go, but let's face it.  We're still
            chained to this planet.  Strap a rocket 'round an aluminum
            can.  Send a few brave souls up into the unknown with helmets
            on.  Visit the moon.  Plant a few satellites along the way on
            the sly.  Keep a lid on it.  We use fancy monitors and
            computer screens--homing devices!  All to what??  Measure
            distances???  We're bound by distance!!!  We can take your
            blood pressure.  Shove a thermometer down your neck!  We're
            in the same boat.  Nothing new to the Romans!

                                   DICK
            That's progress.

                                   BERT
            I don't want progress like that!  I want something new!!  I
            want to walk up to a food stand, lay my money down, and eat
            something new, something I've never tasted before!  Make love
            to a young lady in a way that has never been done before!! 
            Drink from the fountain of youth!!!

                                   DICK
            It's all out there.  This is a free country.

                                   BERT
            Not for you and me it ain't!  They got that sorta thing under
            lock and keypad.  If it isn't a million miles away, then it's
            right there in front of you, webbed by a million spiders,
            starin' at you, darin' you to take the bait!  "Just take
            it!!"  No thank you!  Seen too many before me bite that
            bullet.  Fall into the empty hole.

                                   DICK
            Bert, what's makin' you think like this?

                                   BERT
            It's only common sense!  They keep waving you on with apple
            pie!  What happened to the finer things in life???

                                   DICK
            I guess they're not for guys like us this time around.

                                   BERT
            Doesn't that upset you???

                                   DICK
            What good's it gonna do me?

                                   BERT
            It should make you angry!

                                   DICK
            What do you want me to do?  Run into the forest and chop down
            a tree????

                                   Silence.

                                   BERT 
            I started off good enough.  Not great, but good!  I had
            potential.  Came from a good family.  Lived in a nice house. 
            What the hell did I know?!

                                   DICK
            As much as you could.

                                   BERT
            Bullshit!  Everyone knows.  We've been on this planet for
            millions of years!  It's the same inner circle's got the
            outer circle running circles 'round the park!  Jumping
            through hoops!  Chasing false dreams!!!  All the while divide
            and conquering!  And what have I done with my life??  Hit a
            stupid tennis ball back and forth???  Big deal.  A dog can do
            it!

                                   DICK
            You were a good player.  You beat a lot a' people. 
            Ambassadors!  Bankers!  Presidents of Companies!!!

                                   BERT
            That's what I mean!  Where did it get me??  A step closer, a
            step further away!

                                   DICK
            You can't blame others for lookin' ahead.

                                   BERT 
            Of course I can!  They're not looking ahead for us!!!

                                   DICK
            Like it or not, this is what you did with your life.  We did
            alright!  We're a far cry from the third world!  We were
            tennis pros!!  People loved us!!  We had wives...

                                   BERT
            Who left us!

                                   Pause.

                                   BERT (cont'd)
            And all the others left too.  So don't kid yourself.  After
            that fiasco...

                                   Silence.

                                   DICK
            I'm happy with how it turned out.  At least we gave it a
            shot.

                                   BERT
            How can you be happy??  You could have done something with
            your life!

                                   DICK
            I did something!!

                                   BERT
            It's pointless to continue this conversation.  You obviously
            have no idea what I'm saying.  We could have been free!!!!  I
            could have been my own master!!

                                   DICK
            To own your own slaves??

                                   Pause.  Moment resonates.

                                   BERT
            I would have been different.

                                   DICK
            That's for sure.

                                   BERT
            All I needed was a chance.

                                   DICK
            You had plenty.  We both had plenty.  Which is why I don't
            feel so bad.  I'm the only person responsible for myself!

                                   BERT
            The people running this world are not sleeping!

                                   Silence.

                                   DICK
            If you'd a' won, you'd a' been exactly like Wally.  That's
            what you were playin' for, the both a' you!!  He knew it and
            you knew it!  So don't kid yourself!

                                   BERT 
            I'd have never been like Wally.

                                   DICK
            I'm glad you lost!  At least now you can say you had a
            respectable run.

                                   BERT
            That's not what I call it!  Somewhere along the way I choked. 
            I couldn't hold serve!!  The arrows were pointing in too many
            directions.  I blew it!

                                   DICK
            You did all you could.  The circle...

                                   BERT
            Screw the circle!!  There are no circles.  He's got me by the
            ball and chain and tightening the noose.

                                   DICK
            No one's tightening the noose except for you!!

                                   BERT
            It's worthless!  You don't understand!  At the same time it
            all goes by so fast, it's dreadfully slow.

                                   Bert starts to weep.

                                   DICK
            Bert, what's happening to you?

                                   BERT
            Karma's what's happening to me!  Like a scalding iron in my
            chest.  Nobody's buyin' anymore!!!!!!

                                   DICK
            Bert, I don't know if you should be teaching today.

                                   BERT
            I can't do it one day more!!!

                                   Bert breaks down.  Dick attempts to aid
                                   him.

                                   BERT (cont'd)
            I need to go away. I need to see something I've never seen
            before.  I need to go to the Grand Canyon!  Can you believe
            I've never been to it before??  Never seen the Grand Canyon! 
            Gone my whole life without it!  I need to see it.  I need to
            look out at it and weep!

                                   DICK
            We'll go then.  We'll take a vacation.

                                   BERT
            You mean it??

                                   DICK
            Of course I mean it.  As soon as we get some time.

                                   BERT
            You promise, Dick?  Because I need to see it.  I need to be
            there!!!  Put it together in my mind.  I used to be a tennis
            player!!!!!

                                   DICK
            Bert!  I promise.  Wally's gonna walk around that corner any
            minute now and...

                                   BERT
            This is all a game to him!!

                                   DICK
            Bert!!  You don't want Wally to see you like this, do you???

                                   Bert snaps out of it. 

                                   BERT 
            No!

                                   Bert puts on his game face.

                                   DICK
            That's right.  You can make it through today can't you?? 
            Then after we'll go to the Dutch!  See Jim.  Bust his nuts. 
            Drink a few pints.  Look at that waitress you were talkin'
            about.  Everything'll be better.  I'll get some of the guys
            to go with us.  You can tell them some of your stories.

                                   BERT 
            I got a lot a stories.

                                   DICK
            I know you do.  Tonight's the night.  And after the Ace of
            Spades!

                                   BERT
            Show those young pups how it's done!

                                   DICK
            Yeah.  We'll have a good time.

                                   Pause.

                                   BERT
            You're a good friend, Dick.

                                   DICK
            Thanks, Bert.  So are you.

                                   BERT
            It's just the days are wearing me down!

                                   DICK
            I know.  It's been a long summer.

                                   BERT 
            Dick...

                                   Long pause.

                                   BERT (cont'd)
            I'm dyin'.

                                   Silence.